Oh yeah, I am hung-fucking-over. Breakfast consists of a single serving bag of cheezits left over from the airline, 3 aleve, 2 sinutab, 1 asprin, and a giant glass of water. I decide to hold off on additional food because we've decided to use my free buffet tickets tonight. AKA: gonna destroy the buffet later.
I start gambling and drop 160 bucks on Pai Gow and Craps in less than 45 minutes. I'm also not drinking. Coincidence? I put my name on a list for some no-limit texas.
I think I'm playing craps with a retard. That's rude of me. Mentally handicapped? Special? Whatever. He's eating a milkshake and throwing dice at the same time. He does both very, very slowly. Occasionally he spaces out and stares at the field endlessly until one of the casino staff says his name. An old woman just walked up and he turned and stared at her belly for 30 seconds. Her belly is where her tits are hanging because she is 80 and isn't wearing a bra. This is when the intercom announces my place at the no-limit poker table is available. Thank god.
I drop 40 at poker. I ponder if I should start drinking when Jon and Becki text me to say they're ready to buffet it up.
I've been reading a lot of Anthony Bourdain, and I try to ignore the horror stories he's written about poor food handling practices and grossness that you find at buffets. I try to ignore the fact that buffets are always at the bottom of the health departments clean lists. There are hand sanitizers everywhere, so its gotta be healthy!! Right?
Mmmmm terriyaki meatballs. I'm pretty sure that there is nowhere in Asia where terriyaki meatballs are an actual dish, but they are goddamned delicious.
Becki informs us over dinner that the ladies room not only has sanitary napkins, but Depends adult diapers available. I cannot decide if this is sad or awesome. Perhaps a little of both because I think about how adult diapers could increase the amount of time spent gambling instead of wandering the maze in search of a bathroom.
Why do people get so angry when they lose? Its called "gambling" & not "being given free money by strangers" for a reason. You're an adult. Having a hissy fit, cursing, and stomping your feet in public is embarrassing, you should stop before you get stabbed. Hunter S. Thompson said it best: "learn to enjoy losing".
I'm playing poker again, and its heads up between me and this black dude with a mohawk. Another black guy at the table starts cackling at us. "Oooh shit! Its the bro-hawk versus the faux-hawk!" I think I might have just gotten served.
There's an asian guy playing who was pulling chips off the table and out of play. I'm not going to go into the reasoning of how this is unfair in a no limit game, but I will summarize by saying this: its fucked and is akin to cheating. He gets caught and admits what he was doing, but is allowed to keep playing after he pulls the chips from his pocket. I'm a little shocked by this. At jons house he'd be shot at, stabbed, or possibly branded a cheater. Ha, I kid, I kid. No ones been branded yet.
Poker treats me well, and I manage to win back the 200 I'd hemmoraged earlier, plus an additional 50, so its time to retire. Also the terriyaki meatballs are asking to meet my old friend the toilet.
I just saw an 80 year old woman smoking a cigar. She then started coughing and spit something on the ground. ON THE GROUND. Despite the multitude of hand sanitizing machines I suspect this place is not very clean.